My Joyful Woe

Skies of glass
Of dewdrop stains
A satin sash and
Window panes
Your ghost is hollow
Haunting past
It longs to haunt me
Make it last
Make it whisper
Call my name
Blessed be
The blessed saved
Joyful woe
I revel there
I revel yonder
Spirit bare

Written June 28, 2013
as I reached a crossroads in my life

bright trail
Skies of Glass

Summer Ends

It’s not really the end of the summer (thankfully!), but I’m sharing this poem because I wrote it around he the same time as the writerly musing I just posted on Monday.

I wrote these two pieces at the very end of a wonderful summer, as the days grew shorter and cool weather approached, but I’m posting them now (in the spring of 2020) because it seemed appropriate in light of the COVID pandemic.

Because all seasons, no matter how good or bad, do come to an end.


Lovers, brothers
Movers, shakers
Authors, singers
Movie-makers
Crissing, crossing
Even lines
Waters breach
The sands of time
Hope is lost
Lost is found
Seasons shake
The shaky ground
Calming tides
That come again
People change
And summer ends

butterfly

written August 28, 2012
as the seasons of life (and of my life)
began to shift

The Dance

Step, step
Shuffle
Side-step
One, two
Back up
Slowly
Not so fast
Take it down
Before it takes you

-Written on July 3, 2012
as my heart sensed something
wasn’t quite right with the relationship I was in

bnw

Bric-a-Brac

At midnight
A flower blooms
Petals lifting
To the moon
Like a bird
Who sings her song
Sweetly, swiftly
For too long
Too long for
She’s out of breath
A kiss held on
‘Til her love’s spent
She is me
And me is I
And my eye sees me
Left behind
A heart not found
In fiction’s fact
Encased in glass
Like bric-à-brac

-Written July 3, 2012
as my life began to transition
from one season to the next

The sun must go down and the night prevail (for a time) before a new day dawns.

Reasons

You know the feeling. Things have been going great (in your life, in a relationship, at work), but then something goes terribly wrong. A situation takes a turn for the worse. Things aren’t working out like they should. What once felt balanced and manageable, maybe even perfect, is suddenly out of control — out of your control.

That was how I felt when I wrote Reasons in 2012.

kay_dark
A dark hour

Acquiring knowledge or information can provide a sense of peace, either as a source of hope to cling to or perhaps as some form of reassurance. If we understand something, we can better deal with it, right?

But if we’re being honest, we might have to admit (at least some of the time) this is simply a way to assuage our desire for control. 

Here’s the truth: we have far less control than we’d like to think. Crises are good for revealing this — because not only does pressure unmask the illusion of control (oftentimes, that’s all control is: an illusion), it also unveils our insatiable desire for control (to be in control, or at least to feel like we’re in control).

kay_light
Searching for reasons why everything fell apart

In light of the COVID-19 crisis, I thought I would share how this brokenness manifested in me as I teetered on the cusp of a heart-shredding, life-changing breakup. I was grasping for answers, desperately trying to figure out where things went wrong.

If I can understand, I can fix it.

If I can understand, I can make sure it doesn’t happen again.

That’s what I told myself. In reality, I was trying to control the outcome of my current situation (and all future situations if possible). That way, I wouldn’t have to go through this again. I wouldn’t have to experience more heartache.

Control is a way for people to avoid the most excruciating pain known to mankind…emotional pain. But control really is, at best, just an illusion. At worst, it might even be manipulation.


Reasons, reasons
Can I get a reason?
I need one, I want one
I’ve got to have one
For this, for that
It’s something
It’s someone
It’s more than a “want”
I need to find one
Oh, if I could
I’d surely
Buy one
It’s driving me crazy

And making me woesome
It’s making me anxious
Can’t somebody
Lend one?
Can’t somebody see
I’ve got to have one?
Must I beg or borrow
Or steal one?

A reason
Any reason
Can I get a reason?

-Written December 11, 2012