You move so carefully, so stealthily. Why? Are you afraid of something? You don’t seem like someone who would be afraid of anything. You’re brave. Strong. (Way stronger than me.)

Who or what inspired this…wall? It’s massive–bigger than anything I’ve ever seen–and I have no idea how to reach you on the other side. But I’m going to try. I have to, because–

Well, you won’t understand this (not yet), but your soul is crying out for something more, something real (deep crying out to deep), and it’s freedom you long for.

This won’t make sense to your rational mind, because you think you’re already free, but your freedom ends where these walls begin. You can do whatever you want, anything your heart desires…within the confine of these walls.

That’s not real freedom. It’s a prison, the kind that’s on the inside of a person.

But real, actual freedom is actually real, and I really want you to see it. To breathe it. To taste it.

I’m talking about a freedom so sweet it’s like biting into the juiciest, most delectable fruit after living off saltine crackers for years. Like drinking the finest, richest, most decadent red wine after only knowing the taste of water. It’s like living your entire life in black-and-white and then waking up one day to find everything in color.

It’s better than all of that, actually. This freedom is better than anything you’ve ever experienced, and I can show you.

If I can just reach you on the other side of this wall….Polish_20200524_163150699.jpg

Drinking Someone Else’s Poison

“Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will get sick.” – Some Person Who’s Wiser Than Me

I think I need to forgive the teachers in my life, from my past. Not all. But a lot. I always (usually?) felt stupid and foolish, embarrassed, and I was such an outcast. There are family and friends I need to forgive, too.

Think I need to explore some of these feelings that are bubbling up, some of the memories flickering in my thoughts (stuff I had completely forgotten about)…forgive, and then let that junk go.

– Written in February 2014
as I pondered unforgiveness I was holding on to

Neon Orange

When You Think I Don’t Hear

Every word you speak
Is a knife in my back
Every curse you utter
Is a blade to my neck
Just a nick, just a prick
Just a big little gash
Just a feeling I get
Just the things that I sense
Nobody told me
It’s not a mere guess
This isn’t mere research
Nor is it a test
It’s the heart of a lion
The mind of a saint
The life of a sinner
With minuscule faith


Lust vs Love

Lust takes selfishly at the expense of the other person, but true love gives at the expense of self.

Self-centered love is philautia. Lustful love is eros.

True love (selfless, willful love that reveals itself thru actions rather than feelings) is agapē. Let agapē be your highest goal.


How do I love thee? Let me count the ways…

The Truth Is

What can I say? That you’re smarter than me? Braver? Stronger?

The truth is, you are. You’re all of these things, and I’m just…not. I’m certainly no match for your intellect. But my heart is sincere, and there is no guile in my motives. That’s also the truth.

Sorry if I’m a little rough around the edges. There’s so much I need to explain, and I’m trying to figure out how. Polish_20200524_163150699.jpg