More About Vulnerability

Vulnerability = the measure of my courage

Self-Protection = the measure of my fear

sounds like truth + feels like courage = vulnerability

In the end, don’t let vulnerability be attention-seeking. Do all things in truth and love: for God and for your neighbor. If vulnerability helps you grow in love, err on the side of being vulnerable.

Written January 2014
in Ponce, Puerto Rico

Overthinking

Excerpt from my journal:

I get overwhelmed with anxiety every time we have our team meetings. My stomach knots up, my shoulders tense, and I sit there and think (and wonder and worry) who is going to say what about me. I wonder if I’ve done anything wrong, and I run through everything I’ve done – every action, every single little thing — that’s happened throughout the day.

I run through a mental list.

I analyze the list.

Dread settles in my gut like wet cement.

It’s a nauseating process – to assume I’ve done something wrong, not know what it is, and to worry so much about it. I hate it. I hate the way my mind works. Why can’t I just not worry? That would be great, but it seems impossible.

The whole experience is horrible, and I have to go through it six days per week. Every time we do these team meetings.

Written January 2014
in Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico

Blinds

Don’t Let Me Fall

I feel like I’m walking a tightrope, like I’m balancing on a high wire far above the earth – one wrong move, and I’ll slip.

It seems like there are forces at work that want me to slip. But I’m fighting to stay on this tightrope. To keep moving forward.

– Written January 25, 2014
in Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico

Blurry

Glitter Waves

The waves gather morning sunlight until they look like shiny, golden tubes rolling upon the shore. As the foamy water breaks apart, the light scatters across the sand like a plume of gold glitter before dissolving into the wet earth.

I’ve never seen this effect before. Could it be the black volcanic soil of this beach? Maybe it’s the Caribbean sun. Whatever the case, it’s beautiful–God’s artwork in nature.

Written January 2014
on the beach in Juana Diaz, Puerto Rico